Letter to my graduating senior.

The first question I have is, "how did we get here so fast?"


I swear it feels like last week when your dad and I brought you home from the hospital.  I remember looking at you and thinking that this moment would last forever and you would stay wrapped up in a blanket in my arms.  I'm not quite sure how 18 years literally flew by but it did.  


I had read that when your child reaches their Senior year in High School, they become, at times, hard to live with. They are trying to separate themselves and to assert their independence.  I read that this transition makes going off to college easier on the parents!  This is a true statement to some degree!


Please know that I am so happy for you and I'm so excited for this new chapter in your life!  My brain knows this but my heart feels something different.  


I will try and explain what is going on inside my head and heart.  In my head I know that this is the next step in life and you are going to grow on many levels.  When you complete your first year of college, you will be a different person than you are now.  You will understand this in time.  In my head I know that you are going to have challenges and there will be decisions you are going to have to make on your own and this is a part of growing up.  In my head I know that you will probably fall on your face a few times and have to get up and figure it out on your own and that this too, is part of life.  


Here is what is happening in my heart:


Every time you leave for school, I know it's one day closer to graduating and another day closer to college.  I want time to slow way down.


I realize that it's your last dance, or prom or homecoming and I just want to cherish that moment.  So if I tell you that I want to take more pictures, don't get mad, please know that I'm savoring the moment and I want to be able to look at the pictures over and over and over.


I know that you are over the edge excited about leaving for college but know that when you say, "I can't wait for my freedom!", while my head says, "it's ok, it's normal", my heart feel something different.


Your senior year, in particular is very emotional for me.  While I am planning for your Graduation, Grad party, College, etc., I will have more moments of reminiscing.  If you walk into a room and I'm sitting quietly looking through old things of yours, don't think this is silly or dumb.  Come sit with me and let's look through it together.  If I get a bit emotional, give me a hug and try to remember that you've been under my roof for 18 years and it's been my job to raise you, to take care of you and yes, prepare you for this time.  While I've been busy preparing you for this time, I've forgotten to prepare myself.  But I feel that as a Mom, we are not ever prepared.  


I will talk more about when you were a baby, toddler, young child.  Don't think this is silly or dumb but understand that my heart is wanting to go back to those moments and sit a while longer.  


I will cry.... a lot.  Don't take this as all bad.  I will be crying because yes, I am so incredibly sad that I blinked and you were off to college but I will be crying because I'm happy for you!  I'm happy for your accomplishments and I'm happy for the person you are and for what lies ahead for you.  


If I walk into your room and sit on your bed, welcome me.  Talk to me about your day, your thoughts, your fears, your joys.  Remember that for me, I know that when you are off to college, I won't be able to do this.  My heart needs this.  Our relationship will be better because of it.


Remember the things we taught you when you are faced with challenges because there will be bigger ones in college.  Remember your morals, your values and your integrity.  Hold on to those.  Remember that you ALWAYS have a choice.  Remember that the choices you make can and will be positive or negative and you determine that outcome.  Take responsibility for your choices.   Pray.  Don't blame others. Pray.  Look past the moment.  Pray.  Be a leader.  Pray.  Be a friend.  Study.  Study some more.  


Because of the internet, much of what you do will be posted in some social media.  Choose wisely.  Ask yourself, "Do I want this showing up in a few years?"  "How do I want others to perceive me?"  "Do I want a potential employer to see this?" "Do I want my grandma to see this?"  "Do I want my high school pastor to see this?"  Think before you post!  You will thank me, I promise!


Most of all, have fun and enjoy these years because as you will see, they will fly by all too fast!  You will make lifelong friends during your college years.  You will have some amazing opportunities come your way.  Enjoy them!  Take advantage of them!