I'm a bit frustrated so I'm using this venue to vent so bear with me!
Whenever I've taken my daughters to the pediatrician, I'm allowed to stay in the room until the doctor wants to talk to my daughters about anything sex related and then I'm politely asked to step in the hall.
I have so many thoughts when it comes to this and I know I will not put everything down I want to say or say it correctly.
I want to start by saying that I know that girls go on the pill for many different reasons other than sex. I completely get and understand that and THAT is not the issue. Here is the issue I have. When did it become ok for me, as a responsible parent, paying for healthcare for my children, to be shut out of a huge decision?
1. I'm paying for healthcare for my child.
2. I'm paying for the doctor appointment.
3. My child can get a prescription for the pill, make that decision and NO ONE has to tell me.
4. My child goes in to have a planters wart removed from her hand and the doctor has to call me to get my permission, but she could go on the pill without my permission.
5. My child needs a booster shot, the same child that can get on the pill, and the doctor has to call and get my permission.
6. My child can't buy alcohol until the age of 21 but at the age of 14, 15, 16 can make the decision to go on the pill.
7. My child can't vote until the age of 18 but at the age of 14, 15, 16 can make the decision to go on the pill.
8. My child isn't allowed to go to friends home if a parent isn't home (our house rule) but at the age of 14, 15, 16 can make the decision to go on the pill.
9. My child can't get a tattoo without my permission until she is 18.....
10. My child can't get her ears pierced without my permission until she is 18....
I called a good friend of mine that is an OB/GYN and asked her about this. This is what she told me: Yes, as a doctor, your child can be treated for anything sexually related, even be treated for sexual diseases and does not have to get the parents consent. The only consent needed is if an abortion is wanted by the child.......
So mom, dad.... when it comes to sex, I'll just talk to my doctor...... I don't HAVE to talk to you. YIKES!!!!!
So somewhere along the way, the decision was made by someone, that it was ok for me to pay for my child's healthcare and doctors visits but not be part of a HUGE decision that a 16 year old might decide?? You want to talk to me about removing a planters wart from my child's hand and want to make sure that I'm ok with that but I don't have to be ok with my child going on the pill because she wants to start being sexually active? I have to show my drivers license to allow my daughter to get her ears pierced? Really?
I am just floored by this. Again, I'm not floored by girls being on the pill. I get that there are different reasons for it. Yes, at one time in my life, I was on the pill. I'm not that ancient! I'm floored that as a parent, I don't have to be told that my daughter goes on the pill.
This is my vent, I know people have differing views on this and again, this has everything to do with the simple fact that anything my children do is my responsibility. Except when it comes to IF they choose to go on the pill and then, they can, and our doctor will prescribe it to them and no one has to tell me....
This is an interesting and difficult topic. My closest friend and my sister are both peds. docs and I remember speaking with them about this exact issue. They both spoke about the need to speak with older teens privately for numerous reasons, not just birth control. Perhaps the young person, male or female, is being abused, bullied, cutting, having suicidal thoughts, depressed, using drugs, already sexually active, is questioning his or her sexual orientation, etc...and they both felt that giving a nonjudgmental, safe and confidential avenue for the kids to say anything they might need to was imperative. Each had multiple example of times where they found out information that was difficult and needed treatment or perhaps they needed to connect the teen with other kinds of support, but both also stressed that they would make every attempt with a teen to encourage them to confide in their parent (unless the parent was the problem, which, unfortunately, happens) or with another trusted adult in their life. But both were very adamant as well that they felt they wouldn't be doing their job if they didn't have those conversations, that if a young person left their office without being free to address whatever issue they might have, they would be failing that child. In the end I had to agree with them, in spite of the fact that I hate being "put out" of the office visit, at the end of the day I know that kids don't always tell their parents everything, no matter how much we want them to.
ReplyDeleteBy the way this is Chris Hugly, I just couldn't figure out another way to post!
I know this is difficult, but let me just say that I was under age when I became sexually active and I am thankful I could go to my doctor for protection without talking to my parents. I was not close to my parents. They never talked to me about sex or anything else for that matter. I was not given the supervision or support I needed growing up. Thank God I had a professional to go to. He took the time to discuss everything a parent should. I know it's hard but just think you're girls are so lucky to have you and Eric to talk to, while there are millions of kids out there that are not that lucky. Atleast, they can go to a professional for help. :o)
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for both posts! I completely agree with both of you!! It just made me start thinking of all the things I have to give my permission on and this one thing that I don't! And it's not even about giving my permission. But that I don't have to be informed that my child has chosen to be on birth control. Not that this has happened, please don't get me wrong! The whole thing just got me thinking when the doctor called to ask my permission to remove a planters wart and to give a booster shot! I do agree that there are many kids that feel that they can't talk to their parents, mine might certainly feel that way and I would be thankful that they felt they could talk to a doctor or someone else!! Most kids don't feel like they can tell their parents things and I get that. But if it did happen, I'd love to have the opportunity to talk with them about it and not even in a way of trying to get them not to do it but to open the door for communication! I think our teens forget that we were once teens ourselves :)
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