Eleven years of Equitation finals under my belt thanks to 3 daughters. Here are a few things I've learned along the way:
Let's just get this truth out there from the start:
~The 3rd child will ALWAYS benefit. Let's be real here, the first child, as with anything in life is your guinea pig....this is no different in the equestrian world. The middle child gets the first born horse, even if it's entirely too big for her... until you realize that another horse is a much better fit... You are figuring this whole "I want to ride a pony" thing out and the next thing you know you're living in Michigan training with Aaron Vale who lives in Florida so now your horses are in Florida and your girls are flying to and fro, competing nationally in between attending a private college prep school. All the while trying to live a well balance life... No biggie....
~Let the trainer do the training. Just because you take a ton of photos and can see that your child is leaning to one side and have proof because of your mad photo skills.... pointing this out as they are exiting the ring isn't helpful... trust me on this one....
~When your child does well, cheer and hug them and high five whoever is near you! Post that stuff on social media immediately!! When your child messes up, and trust me they will, be quiet. Shhhhhh..... Let them go back to the barn, show up in your golf cart and just sit. Please trust me on this one!!! Depending on your child, you may or may not be able to hug them....
~Always have a rag of some sort with you.
~Always have water.
~While videotaping your child, either mute the sound or keep your mouth closed. Because when they go off course or knock down a rail and you say "shit", they WILL hear it....I may have done this once or twice...
~You are not obligated to buy photos at every show! Do not let your child try and convince you that "This is the best photo" they've ever seen! There will be many of those. But do go in and look at them with your child, even put some in a folder. You aren't committing yourself. I do recommend buying from the show photographer because 1) They take amazing shots (but don't let your child know that you know...) 2) Even though you have mad photo skills, the professional will indeed get that breathtaking one. 3) Unless you keep a detailed photo book with said photos (and if you do, I might hate you) I promise you that the photos will end up in a box with all the other photos you plan on one day scrapbooking for your child. Let's be honest here, this could be realistic with one child... I have 3. This is what mine looks like....honestly, it's painful.
~I'm all about kids learning life lessons and trust me they will. (I realize that this is more the life lesson of the parent....) But if you show up to your first ever Pony Finals and only have your Shadbelly because you 100% don't have a clue that you also needed your regular show coat, you WILL be going to the tack shop and purchasing a regular show coat. It will cost you a lot of money and your husband will be very unhappy.... Always pack more than what you thing you might need.
~When you are in Kentucky at the pony ring where your child is showing a pony for someone and Steven Spielberg and his wife pull up next to you in their golf cart.... take a deep breath. Continue to try and casually get a picture with your cell phone and send to your husband. Then quietly curse under your breath that "why on earth are they in Kentucky?! Go back to California!" Because you've heard how much they paid for that one horse....
~When you are showing in Kentucky and your oldest competes against Jessica Springsteen.... When you see Bruce (you can call him Bruce when his daughter is showing against yours) and you happen to have a music tape of a friend and you walk up to him, say hi and hand it to him. Totally acceptable.
~Remind your child that THIS class, whichever one it may be, does not define who they are as a person! Win or lose!
~A trainer once said to the girls "You will get a ribbon you didn't deserve and you won't get a ribbon you deserved. This is how this is." She was right, and I never forgot that.
~Always be humble. Always. Be gracious for each win and be gracious for each loss. Both will make you a better person and you will learn from each. But be humble. I will say, this is something we've always said to our girls and tried to teach them. Aaron Vale is probably the most humble person I've ever met in my life and to have him be a part of my daughters lives is so valuable. I'm tearing up when I think of his relationship with my girls because 100% I've said this and still mean it. If, God forbid something ever happen to Eric before our girls got married, Aaron would walk them down the isle. My girls call him Grandpa. Emily started this and it stuck! One year they were walking the course at Indoors and one of the girls (I think Emily) yelled "Grandpa" and Aaron said, "what" and the people around them got crazy eyes!!! Aaron and the girls also started convincing everyone that Lizzie was adopted. Sarah and Lizzie are 19 months apart and look nothing alike! One year they had Andy Kocher convinced that Lizzie was adopted. He came up to me at some point and said how great he thought that it was that we adopted a girls and she was competing etc. I looked at him funny and was like "huh?" and he said, "Lizzie" and I said, "She is NOT adopted! They are 19 months apart!" Needless to say, Aaron, Sarah and Lizzie were mad at me for spoiling their fun!
~Given the last response: Keep your child/children around people with values/morals that line up in close proximity to yours. These are people who have a big influence on your child. Do your research!
~If you happen to end up at a barn and realize that it's not the place for your family, leave. Do not feel guilty, you are paying a lot of money in this sport. You get to decide who you write the check to each month. And know, if you choose to leave a barn, there will be different rumors as to why you left. All of which will be most likely be wrong. We left a barn and the next thing I heard was that the reason we left was because we ran out of money..... now, for the record, I did not hear this come out of their mouth, I heard it hearsay. (We then went on to ride with Aaron, our girls all finished their junior years and we've had investment horses with Aaron... with the money we ran out of... ) Speaking of rumors, when we lived in Columbus, Ohio we bought the home across the street from us with the intention of building a new home. We donated the home to the fire department to train in and they burnt it down. Because we purchased the home, the rumor going around in the community was that Eric and I were getting divorced and he was moving across the street. First and foremost, if Eric and I were divorcing, he would NOT be moving across the street from me.... Also, another fun rumor was Eric must've been a drug dealer because we belonged to a country club and had someone helping me with the girls..... So my point of this is.... people will say all kinds of crap. Teach your children that!!! Teach them to be true to who they are and where they came from!! AND be with them!! Be a part of their life!
~Remind your child that you are the one paying the bills: There are so many things I love about this sport and many I don't. It's a bubble. Plain and simple. Not everyone gets to participate in the bubble. There will ALWAYS be someone that has a nicer horse, ALWAYS someone with more horses than you, ALWAYS someone with more.... be grateful for what you have and again, this does not define who you are as a person.
~Remind your child that they get one chance to make a first impression. When they are at a horse show and in line with their friends at the ice cream shop and complaining about the judging in their class, blah, blah, blah..... there very well might be a judge standing in the same line. Just don't....
~Target and Wal-Mart have fantastic knee high socks. You can get all matching black ones.... You will thank me for this.
~You WILL purchase a lot of leather gloves. For the record, Roeckl gloves are $45.00 a pair. I know this because I just purchased a pair and sent to Lizzie at college..... I swear, it doesn't end...
~Let's talk crops and spurs.... something else you will purchase a lot of. Spurs: You will own a million because depending on the mood of your horse, will depend on which spurs will be used. Also, you will be required to keep other spurs with you at all times because once they school, they might need to switch spurs before going into the ring. If the horse doesn't do well, the spurs most likely will be to blame.... I might have heard that before. Crops: Oh sweet Lord... ok, this is very very important. There is a company that puts your child's initials on the end of the crops. Get one, or two... You're welcome!
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